The case for custom-made

I am having a sheath dress custom-made.

Initially, this may seem like an extravagant expense... until you consider the following (as I did, over the course of nearly six months):

1. Off the rack, a typical sheath dress will run $100-160 (with a few outliers)
2. The typical sheath dress comes in number sizes - 0, 2, 4, 6, 8, etc.
3. These sizes are based on the waist size, with bust, hips and hem more or less following a "ratio"
4. Not all women have the same bust:waist or hips:waist or even hem length:waist proportion
5. So it leaves us with two options: deal with it or pay a tailor $50-100 to have it (insufficiently) altered

So, assuming you actually want the sheath dress to fit, you're looking at $150-$250+ for it.

The problem is that mass retailers (including our favorites, like one that rhymes with "K Drew" or another that sounds like "Flan Sailor") fit their dresses to what seems to be the "average" height of like 5'4", with all sizes having close to the same proportions.

Reality Check: most women aren't built like that. So dresses that are aren't going to fit us.

And while many women can have the skirt hemmed shorter or go up a size and have the waist taken in to accommodate different sizes, my problem was: I'm at good three inches taller than whatever imaginary  figure that a dress - which is otherwise "my size" - was sewn for. So the seam that's supposed to sit on my waist actually sits on my ribcage. Then the wider part of the dress meant to fit the hips is now where my waist actually is, so there's a particularly unflattering baggy mess where a woman would like to see a cute curve. The hem's hovering in "no man's land" on my leg, somewhere between mid-thigh and my kneecap, and rides most of the way up it when I sit down. And guess where that otherwise modest slit is sitting?

I saw the same issues no matter where I shopped. I even marched into "Boredstrom," like all the proper professional ladies do, and shared my problems with the first associate I found. She put me in a dress priced at $350. Three hundred and fifty dollars. Gorgeous dress. But guess where the waist hit?

And here's the extra infuriating thing: I don't necessarily have a weird body. It's not like my torso is awkwardly long. At 5'9", I'm long all over. And now in my mid-twenties, I'm bored of throwing my money away on retailers who won't throw me a bone back.

So I spent several months looking for someone who was willing to make me some dresses. And after three meetings, she took my measurements (over a dozen of them, so this puppy fits like a glove), let me pick the fabric and designed me a sheath. And priced at $200.

To give up dresses from retailers who had little interest in me and instead have one that makes me feel like a million bucks, I think the $50 difference in price is a no-brainer.

The Happiness Quiz (Psychology Today)

10-question assessment gauging how happy you are. 

First question reads: 
If it were possible to go back in time, how much of your life would you change?

Take it here

What do you talk about?

Success is almost meaningless if you define yourself merely by the numbers and luxury goods you’ve achieved through association. If that’s how you perceive and communicate success, you’ve missed the point.

Shortfalls, on the same note, have very little meaning or weight if your life – until you insist on defining yourself by your failures. You have a choice, but if you talk about losing millions on a bad bet or that you were head of product development for Pepsi Clear, you give people very few alternatives with which to identify you.

You are not measured by your income. Your income can be measured, yes and is, as such, a measurement, but it does not measure you as a person. If you insist on forcing it on people in that way, you’re selling yourself short – regardless of how much or little you make. Your character is invaluable, and therefore will always be worth more – to you and to others.

I met two people at a fundraising event yesterday.

The first introduced himself and promptly launched into the details of his expensive hobbies – equestrianism and international travel. He owns businesses, started his own line of luxury foods, lost a few million in his last venture (“which is fine” he made sure to add, “I’ll make it back”) and never once did he ask what anyone else in the group did for a living, or clue in on the hints we dropped that we’ve been riding horses longer than he has. "For all he knows," I sighed to a friend as we turned away, "we could be self-made millionaires or the top competitors in dressage. He never bothered to ask, though." And, in failing to do so, made a fool of himself.

The second individual spoke to everybody as though he’d been waiting all day for the opportunity. He had a way of listening as though he had no intention of interrupting, a way of talking that warmed everyone in the group. He looked at you as you spoke, and he shared things that connected to the conversation. What does he do for a living? He recently walked out on his plush corporate gig and is planning on travelling for two months. And, oh, by the way, he asked, what do you do?

Guess which one we walked away from (twice) and which one we wanted to have another drink with? Don't let your spending habits or your income dictate your presence with others. 

Pretend to apply to your dream school

There is very little as motivating as reading the sort of questions that MBA applications pose in their essay prompts. Most of us read “what is your greatest accomplishment?” and withdraw into ourselves in apprehension. “Tons!” comes the response of the egotist, “my two children,” from those who play well with others, “graduating high school” or “college” from those who are modest. “Nothing,” however, is the immediate – and very human – response for the rest of us.

Pessimism aside, the thing that makes questions like these motivating, however, is if you’re planning on applying to that program in three years.

Then you have those questions in your back pocket. You’re holding a copy of the final exam a week before it’s being administered – you’re going to study a little differently, right? You know exactly what’s going to be asked, you know what to focus on, and what to skip.

It’s the same with the applications. Those questions very rarely change drastically – as far as I know, the articulation of your Life Plan (and why this degree is so indispensable in achieving The Plan) still ranks pretty high in admissions – so if you want to get into a particular program, and you want to have a killer essay so that they see what you do in you, why not start molding your life into a great answer?

Even if you’re not applying to a graduate program, and never intend to, keeping these questions in mind still makes you think about your life differently, and may encourage you to step outside the box one more time than you would have otherwise, making all the difference in the world. In short, trying to be a better applicant makes you a better person.

Sample questions from real schools:

Tell us about your three greatest accomplishments. (Harvard Business School)

Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging. (Stanford)

Describe an accomplishment that exhibits your leadership style. (Yale)

Assume you are evaluating your application from the perspective of a student member of the admissions committee. Why would you and your peers select you for admission, and what impact would you make as a member of the school community? (Kellogg, Northwestern)

What if you had to answer these today?

What if, on the other hand, you had a couple more years to improve your answer?

You do.

The merit of minimalism - part I

Having things can help to solidify our identity. When we surround ourselves with possessions we love and ones that represent the things we love, it can serve to remind us of who we are.

When you get up in the morning and see the possessions that represent your values or interests, you don’t have to go through the exercise of recalling what your identity is, and it won’t change over time.

Seeing your running shoes reminds you of your new year’s resolution to run more. “Oh yes, that’s right. I’m a runner now.”

Your yoga mat coaxes you to broaden your practice or relax a little bit. The LSAT study manuals next to your bed remind you why you didn’t go out last night. The travel photos remind you why you’re saving up.

I wake up almost every morning to the realization that my dog has sauntered around to my side of the bed and is staring at me. The first thing I do after I get up is feed him, and that reminds me that he’s one of the most important things in my personal life.

When you surround yourself with everything, though, it confuses the psyche. If you toss your heels and party dress on top of your running shoes, you’re going to spend the next morning untangling everything and putting it away, postponing the run until later.  The effectiveness of using things to represent and remind significantly decreases when you start to surround yourself with too much. It muddles the identity.

On the other hand, when you streamline the items with which you surround yourself and protect yourself from being bombarded by too many messages, you grant yourself advantage of using your possessions and space to effectively define  who you are, and wake up each morning with the strength of that reminder.

Treasure your compliments

We as people tend to harbor the negative feedback we receive from others while forgetting the positive.

It’s good to absorb both – some of the best personal growth comes from constructive feedback – but too often, most of us relinquish the positive comments. Over time, we pad our psyche with the negativity  alone rather than an equal balance of both.

Perhaps it’s because we’re led to believe that leaning on those things is egotistical. I know I felt that way. The reality, though, is that if we collect those little positivity gems throughout our lives, it fosters a more secure sense of self, and drastically improves the way in which we interact with the world.

The next time someone gives you a compliment – and it can be anything you consider to be compliment – add it to a physical file or a Word document on your hard drive.

And whenever you’re feeling down, read through them.

And remember what a great person you are.

The BIG Questions

Am I happy?

Well, are you? How much do you smile during the day? How easy is it to let things slide? How do you feel when you wake up in the morning? How often do you suffer from pangs of jealousy, guilt, or resentment?

What’s going on right now?

Take out a piece of paper. List everything in your life that you like – down to the little details. (“I like my car, my dog, my time to get coffee and read the paper on Sunday mornings; I like nice bottles of wine, my handsome salary, the heirloom hutch upstairs. I like these things about my job.”) Whatever. List everything you like.

Now list everything you don’t like – be really analytical about it; challenge yourself to drill down to the details. Don’t just say “my job.” Be specific. What about your job do you dislike?

What should I improve?

Take both lists. First, identify things from the “happy” list that you could feasibly increase (and still receive the same enjoyment – while you may like yoga, you may or may not want to do it for two more hours a day.) Then, identify things from the “unhappy” list that are the biggest culprits, and target the top one or two.

How can I improve those things?

We make time for the things that are truly important to us. Especially in our leisure time, we build our lives based on what we choose to do with it. If you want to fish more, do it. On the flip side, begin to whittle away at the negative things – set boundaries with your boss on how late you’re willing to work or share your vision for the direction of your career. And actually do it.  

How did that go?

How efficient were you in taking these steps. How long did it take your motivation to manifest as action? How effective were your actions in achieving measurable changes? Was the experience positive? What roadblocks did you encounter? Many of us feel a bit paralyzed the first time we try to go about things like this. I think that’s pretty normal – the point is to take this experience and use it as fuel next time around.

Am I happy?

You certainly should be. If not, are you happier? If so, you’re moving in the right direction.